i would start this post in a simple 'how are you?' but i know the answer is always 'i am fine', to be utterly honest 'i am not fine, i am consumed, annoyed, betrayed, depressed and helpless'. naglagot na ko sa akoang sarili na ngano man jud na mangailangan ko ug ubang tao? ubang tao na wala man na silay pakialam sa akoa, sa tinuod lang. gusto nako i-redo akoang sarili kay dili nako gusto magsalig. siguro lesson learned ni, na wala koy masaligan. ug gipamuka lang jud ni sa akoa. sa tanang circumstances karon.
naa napod ko diri naglingkod waiting for something to happen. na wala ko kabalo kung unsa. ngano man no? na wala man juy nag prioritize sa akoa? not mamang, not papang, not gary, not my friends, not my ex, not even myself. but i was so easy for me to give my best to please these people excluding me. walay makasabot sa akoang na feel karon kay nakafeel ko na betrayed kaayo ko. kay wala juy tao na naa para sa akoa, ok lang man unta maskig presence lang. kabalo man ko naa pod na silay life. ug kabalo ko mas importante siguro to kaysa sa akoa. wala lang, dawat man nako na ani oy. kabalo naman ko. but how the fuck do i intend to fix my school works if i couldn't calm the storm inside me.
gusto ko mag drop, gusto ko mag drop. kay ang rason nako? kapoy. ug wala na sila kabalo kung unsa ka kapoy maging ako. kaya wala silay mabuhat kung mu-give up ko karon. dili lang ko gusto mugive up in a short term, eventually gusto nako long term - gusto na nako mawala. but i can't do that kay masama to. ug dili nako gusto magkaroon ug suicidal thoughts kay positive na dapat ko. i want to give up.
i need to give this all up.
because i'm sick and alone and nobody will ever try to be with a lonely person like me. gikapoy najud ko sa tanan tanan. i wish to make it all stop. the pain, overthinking, murderous intent, life. i wanna stop living for others expectations and live this all for myself. like fuck this is not even a competition to begin with. if i decide to run away, who cares right? i will run away because i have the right to run away! gitamad nako, gikapoy nako, ug wala nakoy gana sa tanan.
gusto nako dili na muhinga. but who cares? huh? wala man jud ba. if i die today, tomorrow or sunod i don't know. siguro ako lang ang naay pakialam. not them, not anyone. makabalo man ka if you mean the world to other people, kay iparamdam man na nila sa imuha. i for one, am not anything special para sa uban. gikapoy nakog pretend na ok ko sa uban. well kapoy nako.
kapoy nako sa ilaha tanan. aning akong kurso. kani tanan.
gusto lang ko matulog ug dili na mumata, kay fvck right? i am this weird fvck.
naa napod ko diri naglingkod waiting for something to happen. na wala ko kabalo kung unsa. ngano man no? na wala man juy nag prioritize sa akoa? not mamang, not papang, not gary, not my friends, not my ex, not even myself. but i was so easy for me to give my best to please these people excluding me. walay makasabot sa akoang na feel karon kay nakafeel ko na betrayed kaayo ko. kay wala juy tao na naa para sa akoa, ok lang man unta maskig presence lang. kabalo man ko naa pod na silay life. ug kabalo ko mas importante siguro to kaysa sa akoa. wala lang, dawat man nako na ani oy. kabalo naman ko. but how the fuck do i intend to fix my school works if i couldn't calm the storm inside me.
gusto ko mag drop, gusto ko mag drop. kay ang rason nako? kapoy. ug wala na sila kabalo kung unsa ka kapoy maging ako. kaya wala silay mabuhat kung mu-give up ko karon. dili lang ko gusto mugive up in a short term, eventually gusto nako long term - gusto na nako mawala. but i can't do that kay masama to. ug dili nako gusto magkaroon ug suicidal thoughts kay positive na dapat ko. i want to give up.
i need to give this all up.
because i'm sick and alone and nobody will ever try to be with a lonely person like me. gikapoy najud ko sa tanan tanan. i wish to make it all stop. the pain, overthinking, murderous intent, life. i wanna stop living for others expectations and live this all for myself. like fuck this is not even a competition to begin with. if i decide to run away, who cares right? i will run away because i have the right to run away! gitamad nako, gikapoy nako, ug wala nakoy gana sa tanan.
gusto nako dili na muhinga. but who cares? huh? wala man jud ba. if i die today, tomorrow or sunod i don't know. siguro ako lang ang naay pakialam. not them, not anyone. makabalo man ka if you mean the world to other people, kay iparamdam man na nila sa imuha. i for one, am not anything special para sa uban. gikapoy nakog pretend na ok ko sa uban. well kapoy nako.
kapoy nako sa ilaha tanan. aning akong kurso. kani tanan.
gusto lang ko matulog ug dili na mumata, kay fvck right? i am this weird fvck.
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